Give me all the soft men.
Give me all the men written by women.
I want construction workers who attend group therapy. I want lumberjacks who hide their faces against their buddy’s shoulder during the climax of a horror movie. I want burly, biker-looking dudes who openly cry during Steel Magnolias or when they stub their pinky toe.
And I want these things in cis-het men. I love my queer brothers, in part because so many have already embraced these things.
Let me go ahead and say: yes. Men are the goddamn worst1. Ask anyone you know who is attracted to them, because even men will tell you that men are the goddamn worst.
But, fuck are they amazing. The tall ones. The short ones. The lumberjacks and the lumbersexuals. When you find one that embodies amazing characteristics and embraces their humanity, including the parts toxic masculinity says are bad… fucking breathtaking.
And I’m not talking about the bare minimum that we beg men for every day. I’m not talking about a man who is a present father or who can manage himself. I’m not talking about a man who is emotionally mature and can find the clit with minimal instruction.
Give me men who put themselves in therapy. Give me men who respect all human beings. Give me men who exhibit empathy. Hell, give me men who can properly exhibit any emotion besides anger. Give me men who remember about that thing you said you wish you had in July and gives it to you for Christmas. Give me men who not only don’t argue about wearing a condom, but they also brought their fucking own.
It is incredibly and indescribably sad to me that society crushes these things in boys and men. Because let’s be clear: Needing help processing emotions isn’t feminine. Being scared isn’t feminine. Crying, whether from physical or emotional pain, or from sadness, happiness, or just being overwhelmed isn’t feminine.
These things are HUMAN. And it is long past time for us to stop teaching boys and men to deny their humanity. Vulnerability isn’t the same as weakness; it is the possibility of weakness. And by expressing it, a person becomes stronger. Give me all the vulnerable men.
1Yeah, yeah. I know. Not all men.